Tag Archives: Practical Relationship Tips

7 Ways to Boost Your Relationship

Boost Your Relationships

Relationships have their ups and downs. If yours could use some tweaking, here are 7 ways to boost your relationship:

  1. Show love the way your partner prefers. It’s one thing to know your partner loves you, but another to feel it on an emotional level. We all show love differently – some of us may prefer to spend as much time with our partner as we can, while others rely on physical touch to feel connected. Know your partner’s “love language” and give freely in that way.
  2. Keep your positive illusions. People who are happy in their relationships believe that their partner is better than anyone else out there. What matters is that you think your partner suits you the best (and this doesn’t mean that you won’t complain about your partner or ever have disagreements). Holding onto these positive illusions is key to making your relationship last!
  3. Show acceptance. It’s easier to be vulnerable in a relationship when you’re accepted for who you are. No doubt you can identify differences between you and your partner, whether big or small. Convey that you accept your partner and in necessary instances, you may just have to negotiate your differences.
  4. Speak up – and pay attention. Your partner is not your mind reader. If you want or need something in your relationship, gently ask your partner for it. You can also heighten your awareness – your partner probably lets you know what they want or need, you may just need to tune in better to pick up on it.
  5. Do novel things together. Romantic love fades, on average, around the 18-month mark. But this doesn’t mean it has to be dead forever. Doing new and different things can help trigger and sustain feelings of romance. Explore a different part of the city, have a surprise weekend outing or take a class together. Little things can invigorate your passion.
  6. Have sex, in and outside the bedroom. Oxytocin is known as the “cuddle hormone” and is associated with closeness, calm, attachment and trust. It is released during orgasm and physical affection. To elevate oxytocin levels in you and your partner, have sex (the more you have it, the more you’ll want it) and hold hands, kiss and hug frequently. Also talk about your sex life outside the bedroom – recount your favorite moments, keep flirting, discuss fantasies and what you’re looking forward to next.
  7. Give your relationship daily attention. One of the things I frequently hear from my clients is how disconnected they feel from their partner. Relationships won’t survive without meaningful attention. You don’t have to spend hours a day (that’s not realistic!) but engaging in even a few minutes of one-on-one time can make a huge difference. Recount your day, talk about your highs and lows, and set aside a consistent date night to keep the romance and connection alive.

With these 7 tips, you can boost your relationship starting today.

Why I Wrote First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love

First Comes Us

My book, First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love, has been out for only a week and these are the typical responses I’ve been getting:

  • My husband and I have a 2-year-old. We have no time together without our daughter. And I mean zero, and I can tell our relationship is suffering for it.
  • Having a baby has been a big change for our relationship. At least we realize and talk about it, like we were discussing how we need to show each other as much affection as we give the baby, since we haven’t been.
  • Me: Would you read a relationship book?
  • Male client: No.
  • Me: Would you use my book? It’s a book for couples where you do daily quick tips to increase your feelings of connection.
  • Male client: Sure. I prefer action over reading.

Why I Wrote the Book:

It’s statements like the above that I’ve been hearing in the 10+ years that I’ve been working with couples. Simply put, my clients are busy. Many of them come in feeling disconnected, and they continually tell me that they feel like the romance, passion, and fun is gone from their relationship. These ideals have to be actively built and maintained, but with how busy we are these days, it’s more difficult than ever to put a relationship first. In fact, disconnection is a top culprit in divorce, and one of the most common problems presented to me by my clients. It’s why my book offers a year’s worth of quick and practical tips.

Time and time again my clients report feeling more satisfied in their relationship when they increase their connection with their partner. You don’t have to wait for a weekly date night–you can do it in little ways each day so that you can become the first priority to your partner.

Furthermore, you don’t have to be married to use my book. Couples who live together, with or without a child, can still experience disconnection. They can overextend themselves with obligations to career, family, and friends, with little quality time left over for each other.

And after spending some time using First Comes Us, I would love to hear from you. Let me know how your relationship is doing, tell me your favorite tip, what you learned about your partner, anything! I’m excited for this next year—Cheers to great love!