Tag Archives: relationship advice

Have More Than a Fling: How to find (and keep) the love of your life

With all the dating apps out there, how are you supposed to pick a partner? There are so many choices nowadays, how do you know he or she could be “The One”?

People date based on attraction and chemistry. You find someone attractive, you feel a spark, and you hope your relationship lasts. Unfortunately this approach doesn’t work in sustaining a healthy and happy relationship.

If you’re ready to find love, you can’t miss this event! In this three-hour workshop, you will learn Anita’s “Date to Find a Mate Method” that will teach you:

• The biggest mistakes singles make (and how to avoid them)
• How to create your “dating blueprint” to find your best match
• The must-haves for dating & relationship success (they’re not what you think)
• Online and offline dating tips & tricks – for both sexes

You will leave the workshop more prepared to create amazing opportunities for love. Finding your mate will be an important – if not the most important – decision in your life. Get it right the first time.

This event is open to women & men. Bring your friends! Limited space is available so be sure to get your ticket early to reserve your spot. Wine will be served.

7 Ways to Boost Your Relationship

Boost Your Relationships

Relationships have their ups and downs. If yours could use some tweaking, here are 7 ways to boost your relationship:

  1. Show love the way your partner prefers. It’s one thing to know your partner loves you, but another to feel it on an emotional level. We all show love differently – some of us may prefer to spend as much time with our partner as we can, while others rely on physical touch to feel connected. Know your partner’s “love language” and give freely in that way.
  2. Keep your positive illusions. People who are happy in their relationships believe that their partner is better than anyone else out there. What matters is that you think your partner suits you the best (and this doesn’t mean that you won’t complain about your partner or ever have disagreements). Holding onto these positive illusions is key to making your relationship last!
  3. Show acceptance. It’s easier to be vulnerable in a relationship when you’re accepted for who you are. No doubt you can identify differences between you and your partner, whether big or small. Convey that you accept your partner and in necessary instances, you may just have to negotiate your differences.
  4. Speak up – and pay attention. Your partner is not your mind reader. If you want or need something in your relationship, gently ask your partner for it. You can also heighten your awareness – your partner probably lets you know what they want or need, you may just need to tune in better to pick up on it.
  5. Do novel things together. Romantic love fades, on average, around the 18-month mark. But this doesn’t mean it has to be dead forever. Doing new and different things can help trigger and sustain feelings of romance. Explore a different part of the city, have a surprise weekend outing or take a class together. Little things can invigorate your passion.
  6. Have sex, in and outside the bedroom. Oxytocin is known as the “cuddle hormone” and is associated with closeness, calm, attachment and trust. It is released during orgasm and physical affection. To elevate oxytocin levels in you and your partner, have sex (the more you have it, the more you’ll want it) and hold hands, kiss and hug frequently. Also talk about your sex life outside the bedroom – recount your favorite moments, keep flirting, discuss fantasies and what you’re looking forward to next.
  7. Give your relationship daily attention. One of the things I frequently hear from my clients is how disconnected they feel from their partner. Relationships won’t survive without meaningful attention. You don’t have to spend hours a day (that’s not realistic!) but engaging in even a few minutes of one-on-one time can make a huge difference. Recount your day, talk about your highs and lows, and set aside a consistent date night to keep the romance and connection alive.

With these 7 tips, you can boost your relationship starting today.

Is Cupid Day a Stupid Day?

Cupid Day

Yes and No.


Yes if you see Cupid Day as a mandatory time to express love . This is when you go through the motions because you feel obligated but don’t honor or feel the emotional significance.


No if you use February 14th to make a big splash in your relationship and create an extra special connection. Then it can be worthwhile and memorable!

In fact, there are three levels of connection that you can use in your relationship, each a particular ritual. A ritual is a repeated and intentional action which can help you feel closer to your partner in both little and big ways:

  1. Attention Rituals – These are the daily rituals where you give your partner your time and focus. They don’t require much effort and are pretty low-key. Try a hello kiss in the evening when you come home, or a nightly chat in bed. You can also pack a love note in your partner’s bag before they travel or text them flirty messages during their workday.
  2. Affection Rituals – These rituals require more effort and increase the intimacy between you both. You show your affection and passion for each other, basically conveying, “I love you and you are important to me.” You let your partner know how much you treasure them and recognize their own uniqueness. Cook your partner’s favorite dish, go out on a weekly or monthly date, or have a weekend breakfast in bed. Back rubs after a long week, cuddling on the couch, or even sexy bath/shower times can show both affection and keep things spicy in and out of the bedroom.
  3. Anniversary Rituals – These rituals include celebrating the days that come once a year: Wedding, birthday, holidays and special romantic days like Valentine’s Day. It’s the time for meaningful gifts or activities, and because they only come once a year it adds that extra element of “special.” The goal is to make these days personal rather than forcing the motions out of a sense of obligation. Cupid day doesn’t have to be a stupid day: you can give each other a card with a thoughtful message, or make dinner but add more romance by using candles, your fine china, considerate gifts, etc. You can take a trip to a memorable place or even celebrate the 14 days leading up to Valentine’s Day in little ways.

Incorporating these three rituals will help make you feel more connected to your partner. When the attention and affection rituals work in your relationship, days like Valentine’s Day won’t be stupid at all.


Sex Tips for Exhausted Parents 

Sex Tips for Exhausted Parents

While exhausted parents, especially those with demanding lives, families, etc., can feel as though sex is just one more thing on their proverbial to do list, it doesn’t have to be. Remember, once upon a time, sex was fun? That’s how you ending up with those never-ending bundles of energy you call children… having great sex.

Well, you can still have great sex as a tired, overworked parent.

How Sex Gets Relegated in the Relationship:

Part of how sex gets relegated to the back of the closet and forgotten about is because you’re tired. Time since exciting sex may have blurred that memory, and innovation got lost in transition.

How to Fix It:

However, trying something different and sneaking it in while the kids are busy/sleeping/away can reinvigorate some of the excitement that sex once held for you. Treat sex as special time for you as a couple by creating time for it like a date; call for a sitter, send the kids to grandma, or even just wait for them to be occupied/in bed can give you just enough time to get back to each other. I also recommend to my clients [sometimes] to plan for it like a vacation, and use it as something to look forward to. While planned sex doesn’t always sound exciting, if you think of it more like a trip you’re getting ready for, it might remove some of the stigma. When all is said, and done, you might not be so tired once you’re finished.

Here Are 6 Sex Tips for Exhausted Parents:

  1. Spoon position – A great position for when one or both of you is tired! You both lie on your side, with him entering from behind. This still allows access for one of you to reach her clitoris. The overall position does not require a huge amount of energy to pull off, once he is in. That part can provide a bit of work, depending, since it’s rear entry on your side. It is a great way to just be close, to feel each other. With a bit of tweaking, it is also a great rear entry position for deep penetration.
  2. Scissor – Another positon to be done with both partners lying down. She lies on her back, him on his side for entry. With one of his legs between her legs, it can provide friction for her clitoris. The position still allows access for either partner to provide clitoral stimulation.
  3. The T – If she is the really tired partner, she can lie on the bed with her butt at the edge of the bed. He stands in front of her to penetrate. This works great if the bed height and his height aren’t at odds. If he is much taller, try bolstering her butt up with pillows. It’s also great for a different sensation/angles of penetration, based on his height and her feet/leg positioning. If she needs external stimulation for orgasm, she will have to manually stimulate or grab a toy to help out.
  4. Reverse Spoon – Similar to the spoon, but from opposite ends. You both lie on your sides, but with his feet behind her head. Another good way to lay down for sex, but still be able to touch each other. If there is a foot fetish involved, this provides access to the feet during sex as well.
  5. Lazy doggie – Traditional doggy style, but for those with less energy. He enters from behind, but rests his (some, most?) weight on top of her during sex. Great angle for deep penetration. She may need a bolster under her hips for best results, and less energy spent.
  6. Face to face on the couch – Straddle your man while he’s on the couch, or sitting upright in some variety. Think cowgirl position, with him sitting up instead of laying down. If he is more tired, this allows her to do more of the work while they both still enjoy. Also gives him access to play while she handles the ride.


21 Subtle Signs You’re Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Man

Emotionally Unavailable

Dating an emotionally unavailable man doesn’t mean that he’s abusive, manipulative, or a jerk. In fact, these men can be nice guys, can make you laugh until your abs hurt, and can be your best friend. What makes it difficult to identify a guy who avoids closeness is that you have enough good times together, which keeps your hope alive. And with that hope, you convince yourself that he may be able to give you that emotional intimacy you desire if you give him a little more time. But he may never be able to meet your need for closeness.

Here are 21 subtle signs your guy is emotionally unavailable:

  1. He won’t contact you every day. Do you go days without hearing from your man? If you’re in a serious relationship, it’s normal to touch base every day. Not connecting with a text or phone call gives him his space.
  2. You feel excluded from his life. He may attend a wedding without you, despite your request to go with him. He requests time to hang out with friends without you—and not just a “guys’ night” but instances when he is also with female friends, too.
  3. You haven’t met the family. You’ve been dating for months and you haven’t met the family yet. You may rationalize it as he’s just not ready.
  4. He won’t leave any of his things at your place. Leaving things at your place would just mean too much commitment. He probably won’t give you a drawer at his place either unless you ask.
  5. He won’t go on vacation with you. Vacations can be not just fun, but can build closeness. And because he won’t want too much of that, he’ll just avoid going on a vacation where it would just be the two of you.
  6. He’s a penny pincherbut only with you. He’ll spend money on himself and be generous with others, but will make comments when you’re with him about not wanting to spend too much money.
  7. He talks about how much he values his independence. He says he’s always been independent and values being self-sufficient. Really it’s just another way of saying, “I don’t need you.” He may also call you “too needy” and “dependent.”
  8. He avoids physical closeness. He won’t hold your hand in public. As far as others around you are concerned, the two of you are just friends, because there are no signs of affection between the two of you. He may also walk ahead of you. Sure, you may be a slow walker, but walking ahead of you creates distance, and that makes him feel comfortable.
  9. He won’t put up photos of the two of you. You’ve been dating for months and he crops you out of his profile picture. He’ll check in on Facebook but to take a pic of his food to show off his dish, not the babe sitting across the table from him.
  10. He takes more than he gives. Good relationships are about give and take. Not in a tit-for-tat way, but both of you want to meet each other’s needs. If you’re with an emotionally unavailable guy, you feel like you’re doing way more for the relationship than he is.
  11. He doesn’t consider you. He gets dinner for himself but doesn’t pick up anything for you. He decides to apply for a job out of state without asking you how you would feel about it.
  12. He changed. When you first met, he was charming, swept you off of your feet, and let you know that you were the only woman he wanted to be with. And now, he does the minimum to keep the relationship going. Gone are the declarations about his feelings and your future. Sometimes you may wonder why he’s even still with you since he doesn’t seem to care.
  13. He avoids talking about the relationship and your future. He gives you just enough to think you do have a future, but you’re not 100% sure where you stand in his life and what his intentions really are.
  14. He avoids difficult talks in general. Emotionally unavailable men try to avoid difficult talks. Working through conflict can bring a couple closer together, and closeness is exactly what he wants to avoid.
  15. You have sex but you don’t make love. When you’re together physically, you feel like he’s still not fully present or connected. You may still have fun having sex, but there’s still a part of him that he’s holding back. You may even be the one who wants sex more often than him.
  16. He has unrealistic views of a relationship. He believes in the Hollywood I-always-want-to-take-your-clothes-off kind of relationship, thinks relationships should be effortless, or that the feelings should just always be there. He wants the “X factor” without doing the work.
  17. His exes’ descriptions say it all. You find out that his exes called him an “emotional zombie,” told him he was “cold” or talked about him having a “wall.”
  18. He nitpicks. He focuses on small things like the way you talk or dress. You feel criticized over things that don’t matter and don’t feel accepted by him. Nitpicking is a way for him to diminish his romantic feelings toward you.
  19. He’s hot and cold. After particularly intimate time spent together, he distances for a few days. It’s as though the man he was when he was with you is gone.
  20. He won’t spontaneously say those three little words. He rarely, if ever, says “I love you” unless you say it first. If you’ve been dating your guy for years and you rarely hear the words, spending more time with him won’t make him say those words any more frequently than he is now.
  21. You’ve become anxious. You’re normally confident, happy and have a positive attitude. But with him, you’re over-analyzing, spending time wondering about your relationship, and your friends are sick of getting screenshots to help you decipher his texts. You’re experiencing more anxiety than you do when you’re single.

One Reason Why You Might Still Be Single

One Reason Why You Might Still Be Single

Here’s one reason why you might still be single. Do you go on a lot of dates but none of them seem to pan out past a few dates or weeks? You may tell yourself that you have high standards and don’t want to settle, or that you just haven’t found the “right one” yet. But maybe there’s something deeper going on that you may or may not be aware of:

You’re afraid of getting hurt.

If you have this fear, you can end up sabotaging your chance at love. An early sign that you may be allowing fear to run your love life is that you find something wrong with everyone you date.

So if your date does something that you don’t like, wears a funny article of clothing, or slurps their coffee too loudly, you may blow him/her off as a potential partner, looking for a reason to end things. The payoff for you is that you can keep your self-esteem intact – you made the decision that your date wasn’t good enough for you or not what you’re looking for. It lessens the pain and makes you still feel good about yourself.

Or what if you really like this person and that terrifies you? After all, the more you like them, the more likely the hurt will be greater if things don’t work out, and especially if they break up with you. You want to avoid pain and it can be too scary to allow yourself to be so vulnerable, knowing that things could come to an end. And if this does happen, it’s a bigger blow to the ego. You may think, Why wasn’t I good enough? What could I have done differently? What’s wrong with me?

There’s always risk involved when we open ourselves up to another person, and the reality is: You will get hurt.

It’s impossible not to. No one is perfect and we all goof up. My work with couples shows that people unintentionally hurt each other – it’s more out of mindlessness, not malice. Especially in the beginning, your date doesn’t know you well enough to know what you’re sensitive about, what kind of desires and expectations you have, etc. If they do stop seeing you and you don’t get closure, you won’t know why they stopped (and who’s to say they’d tell you the truth anyway?). Don’t assume it’s because of something you did or that you weren’t good enough. After all, maybe they were scared and bolted.

If you’re afraid of being hurt again, remind yourself of your resilience. How many times have you endured a breakup, disappointment, and rejection? You’ve survived. You put yourself out there in the dating world and met new people. You can do it again—have more than a fling.

Also look at emotions as information. Feeling hurt is not always a bad thing as it can point to something that’s important to you and can serve as a guide to what you value and need in a relationship.


Why I Wrote First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love

First Comes Us

My book, First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love, has been out for only a week and these are the typical responses I’ve been getting:

  • My husband and I have a 2-year-old. We have no time together without our daughter. And I mean zero, and I can tell our relationship is suffering for it.
  • Having a baby has been a big change for our relationship. At least we realize and talk about it, like we were discussing how we need to show each other as much affection as we give the baby, since we haven’t been.
  • Me: Would you read a relationship book?
  • Male client: No.
  • Me: Would you use my book? It’s a book for couples where you do daily quick tips to increase your feelings of connection.
  • Male client: Sure. I prefer action over reading.

Why I Wrote the Book:

It’s statements like the above that I’ve been hearing in the 10+ years that I’ve been working with couples. Simply put, my clients are busy. Many of them come in feeling disconnected, and they continually tell me that they feel like the romance, passion, and fun is gone from their relationship. These ideals have to be actively built and maintained, but with how busy we are these days, it’s more difficult than ever to put a relationship first. In fact, disconnection is a top culprit in divorce, and one of the most common problems presented to me by my clients. It’s why my book offers a year’s worth of quick and practical tips.

Time and time again my clients report feeling more satisfied in their relationship when they increase their connection with their partner. You don’t have to wait for a weekly date night–you can do it in little ways each day so that you can become the first priority to your partner.

Furthermore, you don’t have to be married to use my book. Couples who live together, with or without a child, can still experience disconnection. They can overextend themselves with obligations to career, family, and friends, with little quality time left over for each other.

And after spending some time using First Comes Us, I would love to hear from you. Let me know how your relationship is doing, tell me your favorite tip, what you learned about your partner, anything! I’m excited for this next year—Cheers to great love!


Rock out the New Year with Must-Have Relationship Resolutions

Rock out the New Year with Must-Have Relationship Resolutions

It’s that time of year again – to start thinking about making New Year’s resolutions. Your list may include losing weight, drinking less or saving more, but what about for your romantic relationship? Good ones don’t just happen naturally. They take time, effort and nurturing.

To kick off your 2017 right, here are 5 must-have resolutions for relationship success:

  1. Commit to connect – daily! The top reasons for divorce is not that couples argue too much, have money problems, or cheat: it’s that couples emotionally and physically drift apart from each other.

Between balancing work, raising children, technology distractions and daily life craziness, it’s tough to feel connected to your partner. A client once told me, “I feel like I’m fifth on the list, after the kids and dog.” This is a big warning sign! Many of my couples admit their conversations revolve around the weekly chore list or who will pick up the kids from practice. Focusing on logistics will not rock your relationship the right way!

It takes conscious effort on both sides to maintain the connection that drew you together in the first place and made you commit to each other. It doesn’t have to be large-scale events. In fact, it’s the daily little moments that add up. For example, when you text your partner during the day send him/her a compliment or reminisce about your favorite times together. Spend 10-15 minutes each morning or evening talking about topics that interest you, your goals and dreams. Whatever it is, make it count – do the things that make you feel closest to each other.

  1. Practice damage control. Have you ever said or done something in the heat of the moment, and after calming down, you regretted your words or actions? Do this enough times and it’ll erode the trust and love between you and your partner.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Every relationship has conflict, but happy couples approach it differently – they don’t allow their heated discussions to spiral out of control. You have a right to your emotions, but you have to be careful how those emotions get expressed. If you feel that you’re about to lose your cool or tune out of the conversation, call a time-out. Create a go-to list of activities that help you calm down, like going for a walk, listening to music, working out, etc., and resume the discussion when you’re both calm.

  1. Be positive – on purpose. The reality of being with someone is that at times they will disappoint you, annoy you and do something that drives you crazy.

This doesn’t mean you’re with the wrong person, it just means that you need some tools to buffer your relationship against the inevitable negativity that comes along with any relationship.

When your partner does something that annoys you, give them the benefit of the doubt – they probably didn’t do it on purpose. Think about it – would your partner continue to do things to deliberately hurt you knowing they’d have hell to pay for it? I coach my couples to check their assumptions with their partner and guess what? They overwhelmingly report back that their partner didn’t intend anything negative. And if something still bothers you, then go ahead and speak up – but be calm when you do.

A critical aspect of long-term happy couples is that they continue to see each other in a positive way and notice the good things. You have to actively and purposely build a culture of appreciation in your relationship. When your partner falls short of a task, be thankful for what they did do. Look for the good intention and spend some time thinking of your partner’s best traits instead of dwelling on their shortcomings.

  1. Touch more. When you touch your partner, oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle hormone,” flows through your body.

Twenty seconds from a hug is enough for the cuddle chemical to get released. Oxytocin has many benefits: mood booster, feeling more relaxed and less stressed, and increases feelings of connection to your partner. Challenge yourself to make touch part of your daily environment, not just when you want some nookie. Alternate massages, have sporadic daily 20-second hugs or go dancing (even if it’s in your living room!). It’s a great buffer and connector in your daily hectic schedules.

  1. Hold yourself accountable. One way to deal with relationship dissatisfaction is to blame your partner: “If only he or she were…” or “If only they stopped doing….” This rarely, if ever, leads to a happy relationship.

Instead, focus on yourself first and what your role is. When your partner shuts down, you’re accountable to look at how you bring things up. Are you accusatory and critical? When your partner flies off the handle, are you dismissing their feelings or minimizing their experiences as “no big deal”? I’m sure you can find something you can do to make a positive difference in your relationship.

Besides looking at your own part in problems, you are also responsible for speaking up about what you need. Be as specific as possible. Common things I hear from my clients are, “I thought he would ‘get it’ and assumed he would do something” and “I figured she could tell when I was in the mood.” My couples frequently have different definitions of important relationship needs like romance, thoughtfulness, connection, partnership and passion. Without open communication, these differences can lead to disconnection, conflict and negativity. Don’t assume. People are not mind readers – identify what you want, and then ask nicely for it, and help make it a reality for your relationship.

Put these resolutions into practice, and you can create relationship happiness and success in 2017!

Stay Merry During the Holidays

Relationship Reality 312 Stay Merry During the Holidays

If only it was as simple as putting “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” on your list to Santa. How cool would it be if he or she actually came wrapped in a red bow? From commercials to songs to couples walking hand in hand seemingly everywhere you look, ‘tis the season for romance. But what if you don’t have a significant other? You can still make it the most wonderful time of the year.

How singles stay merry during the holidays:

  1. Embrace it. If you’re sad about being single during the holidays or dealing with a breakup, it’s ok. You can’t always push away feelings so don’t fight them. Sometimes giving more energy to the fight makes things worse. Set aside time to be sad, even if it’s only 5 or 10 minutes a day, and don’t criticize yourself for feeling down.
  2. Say yes! Novelty and variety can cheer you up, so even just meeting someone new or doing something different can put you in a better mood. You might prefer to stay in and lounge on your couch, but say yes to invitations that come your way – or take the initiative and see what’s going on around town! There’s no excuse with so many opportunities this season: office and ugly sweater parties, citywide events, zoo lights, holiday concerts, etc. And you already have built-in conversation starters: What are you doing for the holidays? Do you have any traditions? What is your favorite holiday memory?
  3. Spread holiday cheer. Sometimes the best gift you can give is yourself. Volunteer for a cause that you believe in, or go caroling around your neighborhood or nursing home. Visit a family member or friend who is going through a tough time. Selfless activities can boost your self-esteem, so giving of yourself is a win-win.
  4. Take advantage. When you’re out and about, take advantage of meeting new people! Maybe there’s someone who catches your eye while you’re shopping for presents or at a holiday concert. Make eye contact and smile! Again, the opportunities for conversation starters are endless: ask their opinion about the gift you’re thinking of buying, or ask them their favorite holiday song. Nervous? That can be a good thing – even just doing something that gets your heart pumping can elevate your mood.
  5. Do your own thing. Have you ever said, “I’ll do X once I meet someone?” Don’t wait! Do what you love now. Start a tradition that you can do solo or when you’re in a relationship. Throw a dinner party with your fabulous friends or take a trip to a place you’ve always wanted to go. Whether big or small, carpe diem!
  6. Be your own Santa. If you’re like my clients, you probably take care of others before yourself. Take the holidays for some self-care or treat yourself to a meaningful gift or experience. It’s a great reminder to be aware of your own needs, what’s been missing in your life, and that it’s ok to put yourself first sometimes.
  7. Celebrate you. What’s amazing about you? What have you overcome? Think of all of your accomplishments this past year. Write out all that you have done and completed in the past 12 months and then celebrate. Appreciate what you have achieved. It’s important to recognize your worth whether you’re single or in a relationship.

And if all else fails, just carry around some mistletoe.

Dating The Short Guy

Several of my male clients are on dating apps and mention that of the first questions that women ask them is their height. When they say they’re 5’9” or 5’8”, they don’t hear from them again. The average height for men is 5’9”!

When I heard these kinds of stories from men, my heart sinks. Here are fabulous guys who would make women loving husbands some day, and they’re getting overlooked simply because of their height. It didn’t surprise me though. I work with many women too, and when I ask them what they’re looking for in a guy, one of the first traits they describe is height.

Here are the Top Reasons to Ditch the Height Requirement:

You Decrease Your Chances of Finding The One:

The problem is that a height requirement decreases your overall chances of finding love. Dating is tough. When you factor in attraction, chemistry, your deal-breakers, values, and needs, it’ll take some time to find someone. Don’t dismiss the guy just based on height – at least give the guy a chance!

He Can Meet Your Needs:

A short guy can meet your needs just as well as a tall guy. The most common reason women tell me that they want a tall guy is because it makes them feel secure. But think of all those not-so-tall guys that have a lot of muscle on them and can be strong as well. In fact, they may be even stronger than this tall prince charming that you’re hoping to meet. And don’t forget about emotional security. A tall guy can be emotionally unavailable, but a shorter guy can support you, be there when you need him, and let you know his feelings every step of the way.

Sexiness is more than Height:

Women tell me that there’s something sexy about standing next to a tall guy. It makes them feel more feminine. Ok…but what if this tall guy rarely compliments you? Or puts you down? You won’t be feeling feminine then. Maybe the short guy will treat you like a queen and let you know you’re sexy and desirable. A guy’s height doesn’t guarantee you’ll feel feminine but a guy’s respect for you does.

So why do you really want a tall guy after all? Identify the needs behind it, like feeling secure and feminine, and give a shorter guy a chance to meet you. You may be pleasantly surprised.